My only sibling passed away 13 months ago today. Loosing Brittany has turned my life upside down & inside out. I have wanted to write a post to share my thoughts on “grieving a sibling” for several months now, but I purposely waited until after the 1 year mark to do so. The post that you are about to read has taken me well over a month to write and yet I still find that it only expresses some of my feelings and emotions. It is the tip of the iceberg so to speak.
“When a parent dies, you lose the past. When a child dies, you lose the future. When a sibling dies, you lose the past and the future.” UNKNOWN
When my Sister passed away I felt abandoned and alone. I would have liked to have someone contact me. I didn’t want to have to ask for it. I didn’t want to guilt someone into asking me how I was doing. I wanted someone (anyone) to care enough to ask on their own. I understood that people didn’t know what to say. Yet having someone ask “how are you” could have been the difference in between knowing whether or not someone cared or not.
In the 13 months since my Sister has passed I’ve had minimal contact with most of my family and all of my friends. My Paternal Grand Parents, my Step Grandmother, and obviously my parents have been the only people who’ve cared enough to call ask how I am doing. The rest I didn’t see until the next funeral about 12 1/2 months later, and my guess is that I won’t hear from them again until the next funeral.
Then there are those who chose to not even acknowledge my Sister’s death. Those who didn’t go to the funeral. Those who couldn’t even be bothered to send a card, text, or e-mail. Those people who I probably will never intentionally speak to again because they have disillusioned me in the true value of our friendships. I don’t have time for negative people… period….!
Anyways, to get to my point. In darkest days of my grief I only wanted someone to reach out to me. That person didn’t need the right words. They didn’t have to say anything at all. I just wanted to know that someone cared. I wanted to know that that she wasn’t forgotten. Even though everyone else’s world kept spinning while mine had turned completely upside down. The fact that none of the above happened turned me into an angry bitter person who was mad at the world.
Reach out to the world for comfort? Yeah right! After being hurt and abandoned by everyone it was safer to pull into my introverted personality and express myself through my creativity and through my blog. Thank goodness that I have both as outlets.
Today I am not as angry. I don’t have the energy to maintain anger any longer. The disabling brain fog that surrounds the shock of grief has dissipated. Yet at the same time my sense of loss is just as or perhaps even more painful that it was a year ago today. All of the firsts have come and gone. Every family gathering has a big gaping hole without my Sister. I miss her! I miss her! I MISS HER!!!
We as a family aren’t just grieving the loss of my Sister. We are grieving the future that was robbed of us. I will never see my Sister married. I will never be an aunt. Brittany will not be there to see my children grow up and start their own lives. We never get to see Brittany start her own life and family. Every birthday & holiday will leave a sense of emptiness… FOREVER! She’s gone and there isn’t a dang thing that can be done about it.
I am so thankful for my own family especially my children who have continually lightened the mood during my darkest of days. I am thankful for my relationship with my parents as they instilled a certain amount of strength in me. Strength that I didn’t know that I had until I had to use it.
Here are a few links that I have found on Sibling Grief
This one is from a fellow blogger who lost her Brother about a month or so before Brittany passed away.
- So if you know someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one today reach out to them. Pick up the phone and call. Ask that person “how are you“. Who cares if you don’t know what to say they don’t either. Your loved one only wants to know that you care, and that you haven’t forgotten why they grieve. Listen to your loved one and let them cry. Another idea is to send a card or something tangible that they can hold in their hands, but most of just be there! Be there consistently!